


Talk to me

by HarryMacy2020



Category: Charmed (TV 2018)
Genre: #HacyWeek #Day2 #angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:55:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25133503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarryMacy2020/pseuds/HarryMacy2020
Summary: Everybody may do something stupid, even a Whitelighter. However, some things don’t look as they really are
Relationships: hacy - Relationship
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

Day Two - Angst - Talk to me

A dim light came in through the window and it illuminated sleeping Harry's face with its rays.

In the bed, wrapped in a soft silk sheet that caressed his skin, Harry opened his eyes and stretched out. When he tried to get up, a throbbing headache hit him and he had to lie down for a bit before feeling better and sat up on the bed.

He looked around and he needed a minute to focus where it was. It was not in his room; but the place was familiar anyway. Immediately, he felt a bit uncomfortable, overwhelmed by a sense of repulsion. He knew to who the room it belonged and that didn’t bode well. When he finally realized he had only his underpants on, thealready rapid pulse accelerated and started panicking a bit. He took a deep breath and chilled himself down.

He went to the door in order to look out to the lounge room. With discretion, he took a look at the wide room and noticed a woman with brown hair who sat on the sofa with her legs crossed, a drinking glass on one hand and a newpaper on the other one. She couldn’t see him. So he took his time to observe her better. She wore only a black silky dressing gown and her face seemed so relaxed and satisfied.

Suddenly, he felt a bit dizzy. He returned in the room and let himself fall on the bed. He was in Abigail’s loft and he had spend the night in it with her. How the night should have ended, it seemed clear to him. That image made his body twitched and his stomach clenched. He felt also some nausea.

As if he awakened from a nightmare, Harry tried to focus on what had really happen. He couldn’t remember a lot. The night before he'd argued with Macy. The image of her popped in his mind.

“Macy », he thought in shock, horrified by what he assumed he could have done, along with the concerns as to what it could lead to.

He brushed the thought away in order to concentrate on his past memories of the night before.

He remembered leaving the command center. He was angry. In a moment of bewilderment, he'd found himself at Abigail's place. Just only the fact he had made this reckless choice disturbed him. That weakness, that fleeting desire he had given vent to, it might cost him everything he cared for. If Macy had known what did happen between him and Abigail, he would have lost her forever.

In fact, Harry and Macy were officially only friends; but it was clear to him that he had feeling for her and he hoped that one day things could have change.

The time recently shared by working side by side in order to discover a way to be merged with Jimmy without risks, had strengthen their bond.

Every day, he had watched her working actively, always bending over books to find a solution. Being with her in any form made him happy.

He loved that sweet torment to be constantly close to her. He enjoyed each heartfelt chats about the various implications of their research. They finally had reconnected. Their alchemy had grown. Their souls spoke to each other, so they could understand each other again and complete each other's sentences. All those moments, however, so special for him, had unwittingly led him to a limit, to an increase in his forbidden desire of her, which he was forced to repress.

One night, he had seen her with Julian. That image of the two of them together frustrated him so much that he unexpectedly felt out of control. In particular, he was irritated by his gaze on her and his kind gestures towards her. The intimacy of their interaction reflected a certain confidence with each others. They were former lovers and it couldn’t even stand it. All felt pretty intense. Even though he knew that it was over, it couldn’t definitely help himself to be jelous of him. All this had obviously triggered some further thoughts about the connection between Macy and Julian which caused him to be more frustrated and irrationally angry.

So, the night before his stupid behaviour, after they failed an experiment, they started arguing about a silly argument. At the end of the discussion, he left her alone in the command center.

Now he realized how his reaction was exaggerated. She had explained to him why she turned to Julian. He was the one who had the resources and the expertise to help them. He couldn’t bear seeing her with him. After leaving them behind, his mind started playing with him and his imagination popped up with unrepeatable scenes of them hugging, touching and kissing each others body with passion. He couldn’t stand it anymore. So, at the end, he went to Abigail and what did happen, happened.

He was astonished at his own childish behaviour and thoughtless reaction. “What was I thinking?”, he repeted in his mind.

He picked up his scattered clothes, dressed as best as he could and orbed to the command center room to avoid meeting everyone.

…

Meanwhile, already early in the morning in the command center, Macy was focused on reading several of her own notes and examining the results of the tests done so far. Failing to get to anything, for a moment, frustration got the better of her and threw the papers on the floor, emitting a shout of annoyance at this stuck situation.

She reminded of the night before and the argue she had with Harry. She turned to Julian to get the necessary equipment for their experiments and Harry got mad at her for this. She explained to Harry that if she did it was onlw to comply with someone who could examine the problem with a scientific point of view and give them a second opinion. She never said anything specific about her magical condition and Harry. Anyway, Harry didn’t approve her choice and got angry . He called her as irresponsible. Of all people they knew, she was surely the less reckless person she ever met and the one with the most head on her shoulders.

She understood how frustrating this situation could be for Harry. Since that story had begun, all his life had been completely turned upside down as all his certainties. She perfectly could understand it, and that very morning, she would talk to him. They'd clear things up and everything would be okay.

Their renewed relationship was important to her. After a few months of distress and distance, she was happy to have her Harry back, even if only as a friend. Honestly, she wasn't exacltly what she wanted, but their friendship was something she didn't want to give up. His mere presence reassured her and made her feel good.

“A stupid discussion should not tear them apart.”, she concluded.

It was normal to be a bit more sensitive after tiring days of studying formulas and no results. Macy was determined to fix things between them.

Suddenly Harry materialized in the room. He was scruffy with his hair ruffled, his clothes crumpled and worn in bulk. His shirt was out of his trousers. His face, though, although his expression was serious and confused, was relaxed.

„What did happen to him?“ She wondered.

When he saw an enquiring look on her face, it seemed as if he could hardly breathe for a moment. An expression of amazement and even embarrassment appeared on his face.

He looked like a guilty child and Macy noticed it.

"Harry, are you all right?" she asked him as she stood up and approached him.

He opened her mounth on order to answer her; but he couldn’t say a word. Harry needed to think quick what to say. He orbed there to avoid everyone, especially Macy, and instead, he met her anyway.

She observed him and her attention was captured by a red mark on his shirt collar. She wondered what it was and then she reaized it was a red lipstick mark.

The situation was suddenly clear to her. The scruffy clothing, the relatively relaxed body and the guilty expression. She came back from a meeting with a woman. Immediately, she guessed he was returning after a night with Abigail.

A tingling awareness struck her like stab in the heart. She didn't think it would hurt that much.

She knew they were just friends and she also knew of Harry's interest in Abigail. However, a part of her had always believed that he would never give in. Even if Abigail was a beautiful and sexy woman who knew how to please a man, Harry was a good man and a Whitelighter who normally did the right thing.

She was a demon and she was dangerous. Having an affair with her couldn’t be acceptable. She once told him she didn't want him to get hurt or to be manipulated by her. But at that moment it was clear to her that the reason he was in so much pain was something else entirely. She had feelings for Harry, and, eventually, he had feeling for her. Knowing that caused her so much pain. So she tried to damper her feelings and chill herself out.

"Macy, I..." Harry hesitated. "I can explain."

At the sound of these words something triggered in Macy. An explosive and repressed anger took possession of her. She had to make a lot of effort to deal with it.

"What?" she asked sour. Her eyes narrowed and she practically spit her response. "I don't think there's much to explain. It's all very clear to me."

She pointed her eyes straight into his, who, unable to hold that gaze, lowered them.

"I..." he tried again.

The atmosphere got heavy. Macy struggled to pull a few molecules of air into her lungs. Her heart pounded quinckly and she was screaming on the inside.

She had to put everything she had into regaining control of herself. When she was able to do it, she decided to put an end to all this. She couldn't stay in the same room with him anymore. The images of him and Abigail hit her as a truck, dragging her six feet under. It was to painful for her.

"Listen. You can do whatever you want." she said. "You can be with whoever you want. That's your business," she concluded coldly, though she couldn't completely control an angry note in his voice.

"However, I would have expected a better choice from you," Macy finally attacked him, looking him in the eye.

“Demons can be very persuasive." Macy added with an icy smile. "Deep down, I can understand you. Jimmy is very attractive as well with his dark side. It is difficult to resist him," she uttered those words in a pungent voice in order to strike at him and succeeded. She saw in Harry's face a note of sadness and pain. Unconsciously she wanted him to feel like her.

Harry did not respond and stayed silent, suffering her anger.

"Now I have to go home and get some ingredients. You'd better settle down for a moment," she gave him one last look so intense, full of what seemed a deep disappointment.

Harry felt the world collapse on him. Her shocked face caused him excruciating pain.

After an initial shock, Harry had seen Macy's expression change and hardened. She seemed disappointed, and then suddenly detached as if nothing mattered anymore. He felt as he had lost her again. It was like Macy had raised milion walls around her.

He teleported himself home, in the attic.


	2. Chapter 2

Once he arrived home, he tried to concentrate on the work he had to do without succedding. Unfortunately, his headache wouldn’t leave him. He felt also very thirsty.

So, after drinking quite a lot, he decided to take some pills and take some rest.

When he woke up, he put himself at work. However, the last thing he wanted to do right now was to find a solution to merge his spirit with Jimmy.

Jimmy was his Darklighter and he represented the worst part of himself. He was selfish, manipulative and dark. He had no remorse.

It felt a bit hypocritical to judge him after what he did. Indeed, he was the one who slept with Abigail and that was unforgettable. That idea was unbearable.

Suddenly, what Macy said about Jimmy popped up in his mind and hit him in deep. He had already noticed how she looked at him and he remembered how did she describe him after he kidnapped her and they should come and rescue her from him a long time ago.

She didn’t define him as a monster entirely and used the term “charming” to describe him.

He acted impulsively and inspired the green potion so that he could get in touch with Jimmy.

He found himself in the astral dimension where Jimmy looked at him suspiciously.

"Welcome back, brother.” Jimmy greeted him. Then he observed Harry tormented face.

“What did it bring you here?" Jimmy asked him inquisitively. "You look like a wreck.”

Jimmy was right. Harry felt so emotionally broken from inside. Although he was the one who decided to go to Jimmy for some unclear reasons, the fact that he saw him like this irritated Harry.

“Mind your own business." Harry answered sharply.

"Why did you come here if you don’t want to talk to me?” Jimmy sentenced. “Go. Spit it out. It could be my business. You and I are the same person. “

At the sound of those words, an anger arose inside of Harry.

"We are not the same. You're just a devious, depraved, evil human being."

Jimmy was intrigued by the chosen word and perceived as if they were directed more at Harry himself than at him.

“What have you done?" Jimmy asked suspiciously. He saw some surprise in Harry’s face as if he had caught him in the act. Suddenly, he got enlightened.

"Someone has been a bad guy recently, hasn’t he?”, Jimmy urged. 

"Shut up!“ Harry shouted at him. He walked up to him and put his hands around his neck completely out of control.

Jimmy laughed loudly. He quite enjoyed seeing the good guy to be so out of control and tormented. Whatever happened must have been serious.

„Don’t put the blame on me. Brother." He said with a sly little smile while he freed himself from Harry’s hold. “Anyway, you can't kill me.”

Harry realized his actions and stepped back.

"You look terrible. What is up?” Jimmy continued with always a sly smile on his face.

Harry looked at him, an expression of pain, guilt and torment. 

"I guess it might be related to a beautiful and powerful witch named Macy”, Jimmy concluded.

At the sound of her name, the pain that Harry had contained up it started to spread through his chest.

"She will never forgive me," he said breathless. "I've lost her forever."

So Harry told Jimmy everything he could remember. At the end, Jimmy laughed and applauded.

"Well done. Abigail Caine. A very beautiful woman. I'll give you that. If you like the type." he mocked him and, in order to provoke him, added: "Of course I thought your taste in women was a bit different. More sophisticated. We don’t really know someone, do we?” Jimmy teased him.

“Personally, I would have chosen another woman to let myself in for.”

Jimmy was amused by Harry's visible torment and he smirked at him. To provoke him, he alluded to the fact that he would enjoyed having an affair with Macy. He savored fully and pleasantly the images of them united, in harmony, taken by the most voluptuous impulses. His face was ecstatic.

That scene also popped up in Harry's mind, who could not hold back his anger again. He couldn't imagine him with Macy. He didn't want to.

"Come on, don't be angry. You did all this on your own." Jimmy smiled again.

It was an endless torment and heartbreaking enough for Harry's soul to remember Macy's gaze when she'd realized what had happened. Jimmy jokes just made him to feel worst.

"Well. Now that you're out of the picture, I might make my move. Surely Macy could appreciate a more loyal man."

At that idea, Harry lose control and threw him a punch. Jimmy fell to the floor and smirked.

"You finally show your true self. And you dare to affirm that I'm the bad part of you," he said sneering after spitting some blood.

Harry realized Jimmy was right. He'd lost her forever and it was all his fault.

After a moment, Jimmy face became serious.

“Even if you don’t deserve my help. I will give it to you.”

Harry looked at him in astonishment. How Jimmy could be helpful to him. Jimmy guessed what Harry was thinking and he added.

“I know you may not like to hear that; but we are very similar. Because of that, I have immediately noticed that you look like me after an Hangover. I know by experience that if you get drunk, you may not be always so efficient. That said. Are you sure you have slept with Abigail?”

That idea gave him hope. He concentrated again on last night memories. He saw some confused scenes of him talking and drinking with Abigail. Nothing that could let him think they did something more. It was not sure. All the evidences were against him, but it was a possibility it didn’t do anything.

Suddenly, Harry remembered what did really happen the night before. 

Fortunately to Harry, Jimmy was right. He didn’t sleep with Abigail. He went to her place and she offered some drinks which he drank very fast. He spent most of the night talking about the merge and Macy and then he fallen asleep. Probably, Abigail just helped him to go to bed and took off his clothes. Certainly, she was not the kind of woman who was interested in making love with him while he was drunk or unconscious.

This revelation gave him hope. He could apologize for his behavior and he had a chance to be forgiven.

Now he could go to Macy and explain her everything.

**...**

"Hello," Harry whispered hesitantly as he entered the room where Macy was conducting his experiments.

Although he knew now that you did nothing, he still felt guilty for going to Abigail place after their argument.

With curved shoulders and hands in pockets, he walked in slowly, uncertain of the ground he was walking on.

Macy turned around, initially surprised, absorbed as she was in her analysis and calculations.

Then, noticing Harry's presence, a thud in her heart made her instinctively hold her breath.

Seeing him there, in front of her, with his clothes pressed and well composed, his shirt well buttoned and with the uncertain and pleading look of those who feel uncomfortable, caused her a discomfort along with an acute pain in her chest.

Being hurt was one of her greatest fears. When the wound was inflicted by a person she cared for and who, in her imagination, could never intentionally hurt her, then the pain inflicted had a destructive, wearing intensity.

The fear of suffering had often blocked her and she was aware that even for this reason, she had never even been able to easily admit to herself some of her feelings. Now, however, she was no longer sure that this was of any importance.

That morning, the image of him still imprinted in her mind, had been one of those of a bitter and upsetting awakening. She had felt deeply hurt, torn apart by a clear awareness that she had lost something or perhaps it was better to say someone, and that nothing would be the same as before, not even her heart.

the Japanese art encourages people to the see potential for beauty in reconstructing the broken piece. This art is called Kintsugi. 

Right now, she felt as if her heart had been broken in many pieces and she needed them back together.

It could’t get the idea that in embracing flaws and imperfections, she could create an even stronger, more beautiful thing.

“How might this cracked experience have a meaning and enriched my existence?” She wondered.

After a moment, Macy's face hardened. She didn't want him to see her in such pain and sorrow.

The past couldn’t be changed. The consequences had to be accepted. There was no turning back.

Her own feelings bothered her. She didn't want to feel so fragile and at the mercy of events. She wanted to take control of herself. She would never let anyone make her feel that way again. The more she thought about what had happened the night before with Abigail, the more an unknown anger of the increasingly uncontrollable force it took hold of her.

“How could he?” Macy thought. 

"How are the tests going?" Harry asked, embarrassed, looking for an excuse to break that silence full of embarrassment and judgment.

"We're moving on," she replied in a dry and somewhat allusive manner, trying to keep the inner torment from shining through.

The answer was subject to interpretation, and this did not escape Harry who wondered if he was actually talking about the experiment or something else.

That uncertainty devoured him. He would have wanted to talk to her and explain what it really happened now that he knew the truth.

Unfortunately, it was clear that Macy had raised a very high wall between them. Maybe he should have given her more space before talking to her.

He felt himself in limbo, paved with ice; ice as thin as that of the global warming era, just before the heat came.

She was there in front of him like an ice statue. But he knew it well. He knew that this was just a facade, a mask of rationality and control, worn to prevent herself from feeling.

He felt like he'd failed her. Even if he had do nothing wrong, he made her think that he did it and that hurt her.

He was not sure that she necessarily felt something for him, but his role as Whitelighter implied some expectations. He was the one who had to do the right thing, which was not matched by an impulsive gesture like the one he did the night before.

However, the impulse to talk to her, to explain himself and to be able to clarify was stronger than any prudence and so, he heard himself said.

"Macy, about last night, I'd like... I'd like to explain." 

The look of supplication, the trembling voice; everything in him showed repentance and a clear sign of his internal struggle.

Macy repressed anger. She didn’t want to talk to him about what happened with Abigail. She was not ready. She decided to refuse to play that perverse game. She stiffed.

"There's nothing to say about last night, Harry." She took it in one breath, raised her voice a little. "I told you so already."

"I know. We don’t have to talk. But, please. Could you just give me some time and listen to me? I am begging you.” Harry hesitated a bit and the he added. “ Let me explain. And if after that you don’t want to talk to me anymore, I will respect that.” Harry implored her.

Macy observed him. He was sincere. She nodded.

“Nothing happened with Abigail. After our argument I went to her and just get drunk. Then I fall asleep in her room. That is not an excuse for my reckless behavior. I am sorry. Macy. I was stupid about our discussion as about my reaction. I hope you will ever be able to forgive.”

Although she was still angry at him, that revelation made her feel better. Her Harry didn’t go with Abigail. Knowing that was a big relief.

Macy raised his head and looked at him.

“Yes. You acted like a child even if you are quite a centenary man”, she mocked him and Harry caught a sweet smile appearing on her face. She seemed suddenly more relaxed and at ease.

Indeed, Macy couldn't help feeling happy and smiling back at Harry. She believed in him and she felt a bit stupid because of her doubts and wrong presumptions.

They looked at each other without saying a word. Harry knew that Macy was not angry anymore. No one want to ruin the moment.

He wanted to step forward and talk to her about his feelings; but right now, having her by his side again like that was enough.


End file.
